Studying abroad is an incredible opportunity for many. There are limitless benefits to it. For some people it may be personal, others professionally motivated. However, finding yourself a thousand kilometres away, in a place with a different culture and perhaps language(s), separated by oceans, continents, or both, can get very isolating and make you feel homesick. Worse is if you lack in the social skills department.
Homesickness the distress caused by being away from home. Its cognitive hallmark is preoccupying thoughts of home and attachment objects.
I like the definition by Adele Wide better:
Homesickness is an emotional state of mind where the affected person experiences intense feelings of longing due to separation from home environment and loved ones.
The good news is, you’re not alone. I’ve been there, still here. The fact is that most students, and even expats, have found themselves in this position at one time or another. It is normal and common to miss home when living or studying overseas, so you should not feel bad or ashamed about it.
Feeling homesick often shows that you miss someone or something back home, not that you made a wrong decision to move to a new city or country. Despite this, the feeling of homesickness can be so intense that it makes settling in the new place more difficult than it should be. Few people even decide to move back home due to this.
Fortunately, there are several ways to deal with that feeling thus, addressing the elephant in the room before jumping the gun and heading home. Here’s a video explanation of the various approach you should take to overcome this intense emotion.
If you’ll prefer to have them in worlds, read on to learn how you can achieve this, thereby making the most of your experience in that new city or country.
Connect with others
You may have heard this several times. Also, yes, it may be easier said than done. Regardless, taking steps to connect with others is a great way to deal with homesickness and concomitantly learn about where you are and improve your soft skills. By going out and meeting new people, you will make new friends, meet the locals, find people that share similar values with you, talk about how you’re feeling with others.
I did this by joining Uni clubs and associations, particularly those with whom I shared the same values, volunteering, participating in group activities and some sports activities, and sharing events and activities with classmates. The sports one is good cos they’ll have no other choice than to talk to you. You could even start a cooking class if you want.
I used the meetup and eventfinda website to know what’s on in my area.
Write a journal
Another easier said than done task but very achievable. It could be simply writing what you did that day, a new person you met, or any interesting or bizarre events.
You could go a step further in your journaling by taking notes of your happiness and achievement islands. To do this, you’ll need to create two sections in your diary. In the first section, you make notes of the times when you were the happiest and the person(s), things, places, activities or even seasons that evoked those feelings; call this the happiness island.
Then the other section, similar to the first but focused on times when you felt particularly productive or creative and accomplished more with little apparent effort in less time than yourself and maybe other people. So, include the activities, places, person(s), or even times that aroused such feelings.
This practice is part of the well-known 80/20 principle to find meaning in life by reaching inside ourselves. It has helped through some very tough times that really intensified my homesickness.
Keep in touch
I’m going to spend a likkle time here.
It is important to stay in touch with family and friends. Involve them in your study abroad adventure – sharing photos of the exotic foods you’re eating, people you’re meeting, scenic environment, new activities etc. You can do this via instant messaging (e.g., ichat, messenger, WhatsApp etc.), social media, calls (internet or phone), postal mails, emails, blogging, and so on.
Where all these fails, employ pigeons. If Harry could do it, you can!!! Hahahaha, jokes!!!
What I’m saying here is there are different channels available to use in keeping in touch. Choose the one that works best for you to stay connected and that way reduce the chances of being homesick.
…but not too much
Avoid excessive contact with friends and family at home. It may sound counterintuitive, but it works. FOMO is real.
It is good to get disconnected sometimes for your sanity. With the amount of information shared on social media, you sometimes may feel like you’re missing out and thus start to miss home. Temporarily putting aside social media can go a long way to reduce homesickness.
Ensure you inform your family of your intended social media hiatus so that they don’t worry, especially if this is the only means of communication between you and them. I’ll say keep at least one channel of communication open in case of emergency.
Keep in mind some of these factors could thwart your efforts of staying in communication with fam and friends. Common ones are:
- Poor WiFi connection: This doesn’t need an explanation. If your connection sucks all the time, consider going to cafes or use Uni WiFi (you’ll probably be spending most of your time there anyway).
- Time difference: This is a major one. It often seems impossible in some cases, e.g., 12-hour time difference. It will require a bit of sacrificing and strategic planning from both ends.
- Flakey friends and family: You may be doing a great job at keeping in touch, but your family and/or friends can’t be bothered, and vice versa. You know when someone isn’t returning a similar energy level like what you’re giving. If this is you, openly discuss ways to improve the communication with them. One way could be to schedule a day and time in the week to communicate. Don’t let it affect the relationship.
Not that, if your reaching out will be doing yourself more harm than good, then, by all means, don’t.
On the bright side: Not talking to some people can help you focus on and deepen relationships that matter. Natural sorting process, a win-win, if you ask me #justsaying.
Immerse yourself in your new environment
The goal is to turn your new place into a home, so you should mentally commit to living in your new home. You start by not thinking of yourself as a temporary resident. Although you are on a temporary visa, constantly acting and thinking as one, for example, mentally converting prices to your home country currency for every purchase you make, will intensify your homesickness.
Making intentional efforts will help you adapt physically. You can start by not doing mental currency conversions; also, decorating your house/room/corner with photos or items to look like your home. If you’re trying to forget things, use deco that evokes happiness and peace, e.g., houseplants. For more ways forget things, see 7, 10, 11.
Self-care
There is only one you, so take care of yourself. Establish a routine, if you already have one, maintain or diversity it.
Schedule a “me” time, mind your diet – constant comfort eating would make it worse. I read somewhere that you should not make food a reward but reward yourself by going for a massage, buying that trinket on your wish list, going for a spa day, treat yourself nice.
Exercise regularly – go for a walk or run, join a gym, partake in sporting activities, and do yoga and samba. Try keeping up your good habits, let go of bad ones.
Learn something new
The benefits of trying new things are phenomenal and a remarkable way to deal with homesickness. Trying new things stimulates the brainwave, helps you create memories, energizes your sense of adventure, even pushes fear to the backseat. You’ll get to know yourself better; even your creativity increases.
Try local foods. I love to eat and I’ve tasted many kinds of food. Many I love, the others make me question human choices.
Learn a new language – there are many to achieve this. Maybe check with the University support, or join language clubs. I’m currently learning Mandarin. Omo the language hard no be small but I shall conquer it.
Plan trips with loved ones
Reconnect by planning trips and meeting up with loved ones. Maybe meet up in a different city or country.
Promote your creativity
Overexpose yourself. Host a cooking class or exchange. Do something you love.
Use available helpful resources
Talk to someone. It could a professional therapist or an advice at the international student office. Regardless of who you settle with, voicing all those thoughts in your head will give you more clarity. It will help to organise your thoughts and analysed the logically rather than emotionally which often leads us to making rash decisions that we may later regret.
Helpful resources are not limited to people only. It can be books, activities, groups that have common goals as yours or that share information which could help you deal with yours. Or, make you see that you condition is not as bad as you may think.
Here are helplines to call, NZ only.
Need to talk? Free call or text 1737 any time for support from a trained counsellor.
Are You OK – 0800 456 450 family violence helpline.
Anxiety NZ – 0800 269 4389 (0800 ANXIETY).
Seniorline – 0800 725 463 A free information service for older people.
0508MUSICHELPS – The Wellbeing Service is a 24/7 online, on the phone and in-person counselling service fully funded by the NZ Music Foundation and provided free of charge to those in the Kiwi music community who can’t access the help they need due to hardship and other circumstances. Call 0508 MUSICHELP.
Shine – 0508 744 633 confidential domestic abuse helpline.
Quit Line – 0800 778 778 smoking cessation help.
Women’s Refuge Crisisline – 0800 733 843 (0800 REFUGE) (for women living with violence, or in fear, in their relationship or family).
Shakti Crisis Line – 0800 742 584 (for migrant or refugee women living with family violence).
Safe to Talk – 0800 044 334 or free text 4334 for help to do with sexual harm. Available 24/7 and staffed by trained counsellors.
Depression Helpline – 0800 111 757 or free text 4202 (to talk to a trained counsellor about how you are feeling or to ask any questions).
www.depression.org.nz – includes The Journal online help service.
SPARX.org.nz – online e-therapy tool provided by the University of Auckland that helps young people learn skills to deal with feeling down, depressed or stressed.
For Parents, Family and Friends
EDANZ – improving outcomes for people with eating disorders and their families. Freephone 0800 2 EDANZ or 0800 233 269, or in Auckland 09 522 2679. Or email info@ed.org.nz.
Parent Help – 0800 568 856 for parents/whānau seeking support, advice and practical strategies on all parenting concerns. Anonymous, non-judgemental and confidential.
Family Services 211 Helpline – 0800 211 211 for help finding (and direct transfer to) community based health and social support services in your area.
Skylight – 0800 299 100 for support through trauma, loss and grief; 9am–5pm weekdays.
Yellow Brick Road – Supporting families towards mental wellbeing.
Visit the Mental Health Foundation website for more targeted helpful resources.
To wrap this up, I saved the best for last.
Be kind to yourself
Studying abroad is a wonderful experience even with all its concomitant worries. I know we perfectionist most times set expectations forgetting that a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. There is only one you so be kind to you.
With that said, how are you doing today? Let me know in the comment section!!!
