The dating pool in New Zealand is something to cry about or could it be that I am looking for love at hopeless places.
In Nigeria, you can meet someone while just chilling at a relaxation spot, walking on the road, going for a run, or doing random stuff in church, in the market, you name it.
Note: Not anyhow somebody oo, I’m talking quality people.
Quick note: The author is female so this discourse will be mainly from a female perspective.
When a man sees a woman he likes, he approaches her. Some seemingly bold because they’ve been gingered by their friends or by the charisma and beauty of the lady so, they ‘strong their mind’ and approach. I agree that some men overdo it sha.
Notwithstanding, the message here is that in Nigeria, a good percentage of Nigerian men don’t hide behind dating apps like we have here in New Zealand. They aim and shoot their shot like bosses. If the target dodges the shot, the man will re-assess the situation and decide if to try again on move onto the next one. Don’t mix this up with harassment and stalking that some boys posing as men do! I’m talking healthy chyking.
If you find yourself in Naija, I can guarantee you that in a week, you’ll definitely be chyked at least once. This is one of the things I miss about Nigeria. Am I weird or is this same for you O! diaspora single lady!
Dating app is king here in New Zealand. Men aren’t bold enough to approach women. That’s why the African men keep having the girls. #yinmu
On the flip side, some of them melanin kings have and are losing their streak when they come here. If a kiwi man approaches you and attempts to ask you out, there is a 75% chance he has some help from at least one mood-altering item like EtOH.
Once again, maybe I mix with the wrong crowd but been here 5+ years and have never been approached by a guy who is non-African and not intoxicated or high.
Don’t get me wrong, dating app is great. It takes away most of the hassle involved in “chyking” someone. I would know because I have attempted it before and gyal!!! It’s a whole lotta WORK!
Just the thought of rejection alone will make you run. Then imagine those men who are not only rejected but are embarrassed for it! Dah!! Imem meh. I greet thee comrade! But in saying that, some of these men totally deserve the embarrassment they get cos what the heck! It’s the audacity for me #laughsinpatriarchyandmisogyny
Dating app also reduces the risk of meeting a pervert, if you have the patience though. For someone like me, I would want to meet you immediately after matching. Like real quick!! And my reason, I think, is valid.
My reason for wanting to I don’t want to be catching feelings only to realise it’s catfish or you over packaged on the app. So, let’s get this out of the way ASAP. What’s the color of our aseobi? Onion purple? Set the date mbok. Reason #120 why I’m still single.#lol
That sense of insecurity when a woman is around a strange male is so strong. So, good men are careful not to be mistaken for a creep and have the police called on them. Not defending the crime women do though ‘cos some women are pure evil and go about misusing this power they have making it even harder for the few good men and women. This small paragraph won’t unpack everything there is to unpack so, resist that urge of jumping into conclusion.
In any case yes, men created this situation through patriarchy and misogyny so, we will always blame them first before we even blame the women who support such men.
PS: These two words be flying around so much these days that it no longer holds water. Still, it is true.
Oh well, I’m back in the dating pool!!! At some point, I used to have three dating apps on my phone out of which two were active. Then I wanted more African men so, I downloaded an app that mentioned African in it’s description. Goodness me, the humans there were so unpresentable. Why do men not even consider putting in efforts to look good. Doesn’t the quote “first impression matters” mean anything to them?
The ones that do have 50% chance of being ashawo! It was cray cray, so horrible I had to seat myself down and ask her, “are you desperate?” The answer…
No.
So with that, I proceeded to delete three of the then 4 dating apps on the phone. The last one became a filtration process with 1% chance of finding a reasonably presented person.
Once that stage is passed and we get talking, next thing is to meet up and this where I struggle.
I believe I’m outgoing but always don’t know where to meet up once I’m asked. So, I have taken it upon myself to record places you can go for a first date, that is not a restaurant, in Palmerston North. Yes, I want to hang out but I don’t want to eat all the time. Sometimes, just drinks and talk or do some fun activity.
I’m excited for this adventure! Hopefully it yields good fruits. Wish me luck and hope this list helps.
List coming soon
