Have you ever stopped to ask yourself – what really makes us happy? Is it the little moments of joy, the gargantuan achievements, or maybe just being surrounded by the people we love? Happiness is something we’re all chasing, right? Will Smith did that in the movie – The pursuit of happiness. But sometimes, it feels like we’re on a never – ending rollercoaster – one minute we’re up, and the next we’re down. Today, I want to take you on a journey to explore the science of happiness. We’ll travel through heartbreak, rejection, grief, and then soar towards joy, accomplishment, and even the role of material things.
Let’s start with something we’ve all been through – heartbreak. Show of hands, how many of you have had your heart broken at some point? Think about that moment. Yeah, it’s rough, isn’t it? Whether it’s a breakup, losing a job, or being rejected by someone important, it feels like the end of the world. I remember one breakup where I thought, “This is it. I’ll never be happy again.” I was bawling my eyes out for weeks. The sadness was so deep that my friends feared I will slip into depression.
Well, it turns out your brain kind of agrees. Research shows that emotional pain, like heartbreak, lights up the same parts of the brain as physical pain. That’s why it can hurt so much – it’s real. But here’s the thing – pain has a purpose. It’s a teacher. Heartbreak, as awful as it feels, can actually make us stronger. Studies show that after experiencing rejection, we tend to bounce back stronger, more empathetic, and more resilient. So as much as we hate it, heartbreak can actually help pave the way to future happiness. As you can see, I am as happy as a clam at high water.
Now, let’s turn our attention to a more sorrowful topic – grief. Losing someone you love is one of the deepest sorrows we can face. It’s raw, messy, and hits you in waves. I’m sure many of you can relate to that. When it comes to grief, there’s no right or wrong way to handle it. Some people cry, some get angry, some go numb. And that’s okay. I remember when I lost someone close to me. I didn’t know how to handle it. Some days were fine, but then out of nowhere, it would hit me like a wave.
Grief is complicated – it’s not just sadness; it’s anger, confusion, sometimes even guilt. And while there’s no “right” way to grieve, studies show that talking about it, crying, or writing things down can help us process it. Over time, that deep pain softens, and we’re left with something really special: an appreciation for the people we still have and the moments we still get to experience.
But let’s shift gears – what about joy? Those moments that make us feel on top of the world. Think about a time when you accomplished something enormous. Maybe it was getting that dream job, finishing a tough project, or finally nailing a skill you’ve been working on. Remember how good that felt?
Those moments are golden because our brains reward us with a rush of dopamine – our very own feel – good chemical. But here’s the kicker – it doesn’t just stop there. That dopamine high encourages us to set new goals, chase new dreams, and keep growing. It’s like a snowball effect for happiness. What a beautiful cycle, one that fuels our motivation and sense of purpose.
Now, let’s address the shiny stuff – material things. Who doesn’t love the nice things, right? A new phone, a car, or that outfit we’ve been eyeing. And there’s nothing wrong with enjoying that! The thrill of buying something new feels great. But here’s the catch – it doesn’t last.
Psychologists call it the hedonic treadmill. We get that little happiness boost from buying something new, but after a while, we’re back to where we started, chasing the next thing. It’s like running in place! What lasts longer, though, are experiences – traveling, spending time with loved ones, making memories. Those are the things that really stick with us and keep bringing us joy over time.
So, where does this leave us in the everyday pursuit of happiness? It’s not just about big achievements or getting the latest gadget. It’s in the little things. Gratitude, for instance, is one of the simplest ways to feel happier. When we focus on what we have instead of what we don’t, we start to notice how much good there already is in our lives.
Mindfulness is another powerful tool. Just being present – really being in the moment – helps us appreciate life as it is, without constantly worrying about what’s next. And finally, kindness. Doing something kind for someone else, even something small, doesn’t just make them feel good – it lifts us up too.
So, what’s the takeaway from all this? Happiness isn’t about avoiding pain or always being on top. It’s about embracing the whole ride, the full spectrum of life – the heartbreaks, the grief, the joy, and the little moments in between. All of it shapes who we are and how we experience life.
Next time you face a tough moment or celebrate a win, remember that both are part of the journey to happiness. Embrace them, learn from them, and most importantly – share your happiness with the people around you.
This post was presented as a prepared speech at the Toastmasters Club 681573, Palmerston North. This whole story is completely true, except for the parts that are completely made up. – Porter Press
